“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”

“Prosperity is the best protector of principle.”

“If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.”

“It is not best that we should all think alike it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.”

“Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.”

“It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.”

“A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.”

“Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.”

“Don't let schooling interfere with your education.”

“In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.”

“Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.”

“I never let schooling interfere with my education.”

“My office walls are covered with autographs of famous writers - it's what my children call my 'dead author wall.' I have signatures from Mark Twain, Earnest Hemingway, Jack London, Harriett Beecher Stowe, Pearl Buck, Charles Dickens, Rudyard Kipling, Alfred, Lord Tennyson, to name a few.”

“Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.”

“Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.”

“Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.”

“Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.”

“Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'll likely not see another like him.”

“The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow there is no humor in Heaven.”

“Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.”

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

“What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.”

“To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.”

“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.”

“Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.”

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”

“It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.”

“Golf is a good walk spoiled.”

“A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”

“To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.”

“Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.”

“All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.”

“Mark Twain was a great traveler and he wrote three or four great travel books. I wouldn't say that I'm a travel novelist but rather a novelist who travels - and who uses travel as a background for finding stories of places.”

“Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.”

“Thunder is good, thunder is impressive but it is lightning that does the work.”

“Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.”

“Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.”

“Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.”