“Yeah, I think everybody has the crises of questioning themselves at some point or other in their lives. Is this where I should live? The job I should have? The girl I should be dating? Is this the friend I should have?”

“If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.”

“You know, the man of my dreams might walk round the corner tomorrow. I'm older and wiser and I think I'd make a great girlfriend. I live in the realm of romantic possibility.”

“Maybe the most that you can expect from a relationship that goes bad is to come out of it with a few good songs.”

“I ain't scared to do another dating show, but I ain't really trying to. I want to do a talk show or something. I've done enough dating on television. I'm ready to spread my wings, and go down other avenues.”

“The rich are different. Their wants are very high maintenance. They'll pick eye color and hair color, all the way down to what she does for a living, what school she went to. Their list can be extremely long. But at the end of the day, dating is dating, because they're human beings.”

“What I remember most about junior homecoming was my date getting sick afterwards. That kinda sucked. Then, senior year, someone got gum in her hair when we were dancing. She had to get one of the chaperones to take her to the office and cut up her hair. I felt really bad for her, but it worked out fine.”

“I'm enjoying dating. I'm single, though, I'm not in a relationship.”

“I change my mind so much I need two boyfriends and a girlfriend.”

“I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.”

“Women always try to see the one good part of The Weird Guy because the dating landscape is so bleak. Women will say, 'He's very odd, but he likes to cook. He's creepy, but he makes good pancakes!'”

“Dating is just awkward moments and one person wants more than the other. It's just that constant strangeness. I think it's a very real thing.”

“It's a big responsibility dating me. Because I come with a little bit of baggage, you know?”

“At this year's Open, I'll have five boyfriends.”

“The woman I am currently crazy about was a vegetarian for a year until I started dating her. As is the case with most vegetarians, she had never eaten properly prepared meat, only commercially packaged or otherwise abused flesh.”

“I didn't have a financial need, and I wasn't very gifted at relationships. I probably was more like what we think of boys as being: hard to pin down and wary of commitment.”

“No one knew me until I met my wife Lulu. Lulu's mother used to ask, Which one is Maurice? For six months she thought Lulu was dating Barry.”

“It's weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends.”

“I don't really talk about my personal life. It's a strange and funny and weird thing. Sometimes you have a conversation with someone and the paparazzi snaps a picture of you and people decide you're dating. If I try to answer everything people say, I would be up all night.”

“I've never been Romeo who meets a girl and falls for her immediately. It's been a much slower process for me each time I've gone into a relationship.”

“Dating is kind of hard. Like dinner or something like that. Like a forced awkward situation is very strange. Especially for me, for some reason.”