“My parents were dishonest people. If it was my birthday, I knew my mother took me to the K-Mart and she stole my toy. She'd put it in the shopping cart and we'd walk out. I was raised with that.”

“Citizens, thank you for all your birthday wishes. I am 88 years old today and still lucky to live in the greatest city in the world.”

“The main prank that we play with props is for people's birthdays. The special effects people will put a little explosive in the cake so it blows up in their face - that's always fun to play on a guest star, or one of the trainees or someone who's new.”

“I'm not materialistic. I believe in presents from the heart, like a drawing that a child does.”

“I want to say that probably 24 hours after I told CBS that I was stepping down at my 65th birthday, I was already regretting it. And I regretted it every day since.”

“I cried on my 18th birthday. I thought 17 was such a nice age. You're young enough to get away with things, but you're old enough, too.”

“When I was little I thought, isn't it nice that everybody celebrates on my birthday? Because it's July 4th.”

“My mother asked me what I wanted for my birthday, so I said I wanted to read poetry with her.”

“It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me.”