“I've had enough boyfriends and enough issues. I'd seen enough train wrecks.”

“I'm not interested in dating. I like being with my own best friend, me. Certain women, particularly older women, cannot believe I like going to a social event by myself. But I do.”

“I can't even explain to you how terrible that feels, that I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution. It's a nightmare.”

“My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away.”

“I also find it interesting that a lot of people in their 30s are not married and don't have kids. There are a lot of people in this age bracket that are out there dating and trying to find love. And I never thought that at my age I would be.”

“The prospect of dating someone in her twenties becomes less appealing as you get older. At some point in your fife, your tolerance level goes down and you realize that, with someone much younger, there's nothing really to talk about.”

“I wish I was dating one of the ladies in 'Bollywood Hero.' They're gorgeous. Any of them.”

“My original inspiration was my mom: a few years after the death of my dad, she started dating one my teachers!”

“I've had a little bad, bad media luck the new year. Well, apparently I'm dating Bill Clinton, which makes me nervous. I didn't know, though.”