“Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.”

“Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.”

“Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.”

“Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.”

“The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.”

“Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.”

“Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.”

“Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

“Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.”

“Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.”

“Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.”

“Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.”

“Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.”

“Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.”

“Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.”