“My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.”

“Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.”

“Things can be funny only when we are in fun. When we're 'dead earnest,' humor is the only thing that is dead.”

“You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.”