“Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.”

“A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in.”

“There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor.”

“The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.”

“War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands.”

“In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.”

“Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body.”