“I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.”

“I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.”

“My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with.”

“I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don't seem to be particularly keen on them.”

“You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is.”

“Oh, I'm terrible at travel.”