“You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.”

“It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.”

“There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.”

“Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.”

“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.”

“In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.”