“One of my favorite activities as a teen-ager was to watch television over the phone with my best friend.”

“My ace in the hole as a human being used to be my capacity for remembering birthdays. I worked at it. Whenever I made a new friend, I made a point of finding out his or her birthday early on, and I would record it in my Filofax calendar.”

“I want a chainsaw very badly, because I think cutting down a tree would be unbelievably satisfying. I have asked for a chainsaw for my birthday, but I think I'll probably be given jewelry instead.”

“You can find out anything you want about a car now, and especially every bit of information about the price, without relying on the dealers.”

“Buying a car used to be an experience so soul-scorching, so confidence-splattering, so existentially rattling that an entire car company was based on the promise that you wouldn't have to come in contact with it.”

“I want to let my friend Buster know that I would like to have dinner with him tonight. Does Buster work at home? Then how likely is he to have his cell phone on? Is he one of those people who only turns on his cell when he's in his car? I hate that.”

“I went to a football school, which meant that I went to a university that served up education and was simultaneously operating a sports franchise.”

“I have long been one of those tedious people who rails against the coronation of 'student-athletes.' I have heard the argument that big-time athletics bring in loads of money to universities. I don't believe the money goes anywhere other than back into the sports teams, but that's another story.”

“I went to a football school, which meant that I went to a university that served up education and was simultaneously operating a sports franchise.”