“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.”

“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”

“I am an enthusiast, but not a crank in the sense that I have some pet theories as to the proper construction of a flying machine. I wish to avail myself of all that is already known and then, if possible, add my mite to help on the future worker who will attain final success.”

“People who keep dogs are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.”

“Cats are connoisseurs of comfort.”

“Many cats are the death of the mouse.”

“I have the same pet peeve as Anderson Cooper, which is bare feet in public. I hate it. It so grosses me out, especially in New York. Oh my God, New York in the summer with people and their feet in their sandals and their flip-flops, like get it away!”

“A happy arrangement: many people prefer cats to other people, and many cats prefer people to other cats.”

“We all know the stories about the Human Rights Act... about the illegal immigrant who cannot be deported because, and I am not making this up, he had a pet cat.”