“To his dog, every man is Napoleon hence the constant popularity of dogs.”

“And I strongly believe people should rescue dogs, or, at the very least, listen to Bob Barker and have your pet spayed or neutered.”

“There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.”

“Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.”

“When you want a break from dogs, and you take them to the kennel to the stars, no one thinks you're a bad pet owner. But when you have kids, you can't drop them off for three weeks without someone calling Child Protective Services!”

“There are all sorts of cute puppy dogs, but it doesn't stop people from going out and buying Dobermans.”

“I always pet a dog with my left hand because if he bit me I'd still have my right hand to paint with.”

“Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.”

“If cats were double the size they are now, they'd probably be illegal.”