“I've teamed up with PetSmart Charities to celebrate the five million homeless pets who've found homes through their in-store adoption centers, and to spread the word about how we can work together to save millions more pets' lives and, ultimately, end pet homelessness.”

“There's a saying. If you want someone to love you forever, buy a dog, feed it and keep it around.”

“Environmentalists hate sprawl - except when it comes to the size of their expansive pet legislation on Capitol Hill.”

“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.”

“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”

“I am an enthusiast, but not a crank in the sense that I have some pet theories as to the proper construction of a flying machine. I wish to avail myself of all that is already known and then, if possible, add my mite to help on the future worker who will attain final success.”

“People who keep dogs are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.”

“Cats are connoisseurs of comfort.”

“Many cats are the death of the mouse.”

“I have the same pet peeve as Anderson Cooper, which is bare feet in public. I hate it. It so grosses me out, especially in New York. Oh my God, New York in the summer with people and their feet in their sandals and their flip-flops, like get it away!”

“A happy arrangement: many people prefer cats to other people, and many cats prefer people to other cats.”

“We all know the stories about the Human Rights Act... about the illegal immigrant who cannot be deported because, and I am not making this up, he had a pet cat.”

“To his dog, every man is Napoleon hence the constant popularity of dogs.”

“And I strongly believe people should rescue dogs, or, at the very least, listen to Bob Barker and have your pet spayed or neutered.”

“There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.”

“Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.”

“When you want a break from dogs, and you take them to the kennel to the stars, no one thinks you're a bad pet owner. But when you have kids, you can't drop them off for three weeks without someone calling Child Protective Services!”

“There are all sorts of cute puppy dogs, but it doesn't stop people from going out and buying Dobermans.”

“I always pet a dog with my left hand because if he bit me I'd still have my right hand to paint with.”

“Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.”

“If cats were double the size they are now, they'd probably be illegal.”